OVER 9000

After all of...this. After all of the nonsense I have endured, specifically that of my "past" as it were, and the type of shit I dealt with today...why the hell am I bothering anymore? Even in my worst moments in the past, even in those horrible moments where I really saw the end, the thing that always managed to keep me going was the fact that there was still a part of me, somewhere, that saw a better outcome. It was always the smallest part, the most quiet voice, the last thing I'd ever listen to. Small as it was, it was enough.

Not anymore.

What the hell am I fighting for at this point? What greater cause am I reaching for? Throw that aside, what ANYTHING am I reaching for? I'm living in a place where I feel unwanted, with good people who I think shouldn't want me. I feel a burden to my friends, that being the one or two people I actually consider friends and not just those who tolerate me. I don't have any discernable future, and outside of that, I don't even have any obvious plans or even ability to change anything.

My biggest problem until I turned 18 was that I did not have a reason. For 3 1/2 years, fucked up as it was, I HAD ONE. I had everything I needed. Nothing else mattered because that one single thing was all I really needed to survive and to make it through life. Nine months ago that reason disappeared and now I am reaching and struggling to find anything.

Guess what: nothing is there.

I think the worst part is that no one around me gets it. I'm not foolish enough to think that I am the only person to have ever felt this way, but it is obvious to me that I am surrounded by people who don't have this problem, and my passive aggressive statements and movements are obviously not getting through to them, and why would it? I wouldn't pay attention if I were someone else.

I've said it alot, that I would do it or that I wanted to or that I thought I should...and you know what? For once, I am honest to god considering it. It's never gonna get any better, I'm never gonna replace her. The answer has always been staring me in the face, but I have just ignored it.

All that aside, I hope NS is okay. He is a person who knows how to enjoy life. His absence is a misunderstanding, I'm sure. I'd hate for someone like him, who actually has something to give others, to be in trouble or lost, when there are those of us who lack any sort of purpose...who still exist.

Attorney: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 P.M.
Attorney: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Witness: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July fifteenth.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.

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Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Attorney: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

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Attorney: So the date of your baby's conception was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?

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Attorney: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim's vagina show?
Witness: There were traces of semen.
Attorney: Male semen?

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Attorney: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

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Attorney: Did you sleep with him in New York?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you sleep with him in Chicago?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you sleep with him in Miami?
Witness: No.

When I received the package this morning I was very surprised to see three lip balms. The invoice said three. I went and checked my account online and the recent purchases said three. I checked the confirmation email and it said three. While I know you don't really care, if only you could imagine my anger. Because of the expense of these products, the wonderful sale is the only reason I bought them. I really enjoy money being stooooolen. The second half of the smileys on here are kind of interesting. Not very colorful but they will do.

I wish I had a fun work story to share but since I stand around doing absolutely nothing these days when I'm there it's hard to find anything interesting. Yesterday and the day before the heat was not working so the store was below 55 degrees all day. It was actually nicer outside than in the store at one point. Today I had time to read through a few magazines. Oh, yeah, here are some tips from Self magazine. They had an article on Jenna Fischer and the tips that I guess the magazine people gave her. Oh sure, they're available online. Well, I hid down an aisle and took notes on what they mentioned. It wasn't much, just dressing fresh, jogging, sleeping, doing crunches, and a few other things.

Why am I still going? What a boring post. I will finish up with a few newspaper headlines from 1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said.

Police Suspicious After Body Found in Graveyard

Male Infertility Can be Passed on to Children

Statistics Show that Mortality Increases Perceptibly in the Military During Wartime

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Experts Say

And last but not least...

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

There is this customer that frequents our store who gave me the opportunity to laugh today. She's an older black lady with a heavy 'south side' accent. She is one of the rudest people I know. I would say that eighty seven percent of the time that she comes into the store she had beforehand called the store and had us do her shopping for her. Probably thirty two percent of that time she comes in the store herself to pick up the products, and the rest of the time she is so lazy that she has her grandson, equally as rude and even more unhappy, walk to the store to buy the products.

Now, I am so fed up with this place. They have screwed me here and there, and as much pleasure as I've gotten out of it I am still unhappy. I'm female. I will never be completely satisfied. When the opportunity arose to have some fun today, I just grabbed that brownish area by it's points and I didn't let it go, no matter what my mom said!

I had just dealt with an angry customer who could not read her receipt because she figured it would read itself to her and was a bit upset. When the phone rang, I picked up the receiver and said, "Dollar General, Spoon speaking."

A very recognizable voice then asked, "Do you carry honey?"

"I'm sorry, do we carry what?"

"Honey."

"Carny?"

"Honey."

"Chunny?"

I didn't do it on purpose the first time. She was actually adding an 'arrr' like a pirate sound when she was saying honey and I was completely confused, and now that I've written this out I realize that you'd have to be there and you'd have to be me to find this funny. It was though. She was so pissed off. That went on for two or three more words and I finally gave in and told her we carry the product. I then proceeded to give her the wrong price because I wasn't going to walk all the way up to the front of the store for someone that doesn't deserve any courtesy.

I just missed Forks favorite Axe commercial.

I get the weekend off so I will be partying all weekend. Oh sweet, that means I get to watch the Saturday night Disney movie tomorrow! It's been too long. Adios, amigos.

So, in the interest of seeing just what I'm like, I'll be writing my thoughts down after each beer. Let's see what happens.

Beer 1 - Just finished the first one. I'm watching Scrubs. I love this show. Dr. Cox is one of my favorite TV characters ever. The way he treats JD is fucking hilarious. The other funny thing is Janitor, and his ad libbing of psycho lines. What a show. I'm partway through beer 2.

Beer 2 - Mmm. I'm actually feeling smooth right now. The fact that I've slept about 1 hour out of the last 24 has to do with this. Also, I don't drink as much anymore, so really...two beers is feeling nice. Scrubs just ended. I'm kind of sad, but now Family Guy is on. Why does my life revolve around TV? Oh, right, because I haven't fucked anyone in a long time, I can't believe I forgot. Cracking beer 3.

Beer 3 - I hate that new Axe commercial about girl approved hair. My response? "if these bitches with huge racks cant get a guy to nut on those double bubbles because of their hair, what choice does a flat chested shallow coporate whore like you have?" Hahaha suck on that skinny bitch with no tits in the commercial. Women are just as shallow as men, end of story. I hate women sometimes, especially my ex. People tell me to get over it...maybe I should. I want some pot and a blowjob and maybe some Del Taco?

Beer 4 - Family Guy is funny as hell. I love a frosty cold beer...too bad these aren't frosty, just cold. I wish I was at a bar. I want to look at some broads and get yelled at for it or something, then be thrown out and beaten up. That'd be so funny. I love my sports teams, and fuck the haters. I need another drink...opening beer 5.

Beer 5 - My friend just called me and assumes I'm mad at her. I'm not. Fucking women.

Beer 6 - I want...some food. But I ate food earlier. I love food. That's why I'm fat. I love chicks too. I want to get mad money, so I can lose mad weight, and get mad chicks, and mad rock it wall if you namean. haha namean. ghetto slang on the interwebs is what its wabout. Fuck tv seriously that 70s show is up next though sweeeeeeet. lets of e's. not lots of e though, i dont do drugs. i really wanna fuck this one girl.

Beer 7 - I love television. I wish I could watch corner gas. that show was funny as fuck but I can't do anything that associates itself with acanda. My fucking self is letting my fucking ex ruin my life. what the hell to that, man? why am i letting that shit happen. i know...because i have a lot of beer. oh fuck...this dude on tv is eating chicken...and some brownies just got brought in. i want chicken and brownies...mmm chicken.

Beer 8 - Sometimes I love my friends...I kinda want a cigar...I definitely want some assssss. And a brownie actually. Chicks love chocolate on their periods. Me too. but not on my period. on my question mark. i was just thinking, you know what, fuck my psychologist, im not an alcoholic, im 22 and I like to drink. so fuck that. ill quit drinking when i meet someone worth quitting over. i want chicken, i know that was in the last one but i still do. a burger or pizza or burrito would suffice but...mostly some spicy ass fried chicken with mashed potatoes and like, corn, some gravy, biscuits...god...im fat but fuck i love food. time for beer 9.

Beer 9 - Man I love my nephews and nieces. I just wanna buy them stuff. They are the best kids in the world. I don't think I could have my own kids...I duno. I'd do anything for my nieces/nephews though. I'd give my life for them. beer 10.

Beer 10 - Holy fuck I am drunk. no one else is awake to talk to me...im listening to music waiting for tv to come on that i dont even really want to watch cuz i want to listen to music. this is always my struggle when drunk/high, music or tv? usually one prevails in some sort of battle and it is the rich choice. i guess i should get drunk and high and listen to music while watching tv so i could just fuck everything up. i want to go on a date. beer 11 time.

Beer 11 - I have friends but I think I fuck them over or something...Because I'm probably not a good friend. holy GOD im drunk

whoa...i just woke up like 15 hours later with an unfinished 12th beer...nice

Hideous.

So, funny times in the Namsor household tonight. We were discussing two different bags of meatballs that we have bought from Sams Club. One of them weighs more and the other seems healthier for you. As we read through the instructions of the newer, healthier meatballs we noticed that you have to add some water. We made sure they were precooked, which we had not done with the other bag. My dad paused and then asked, "What about the old bag?"

I cleverly responded with, "No, she didn't come with any instructions." Aha. Aha. AHAHAHAHAHA!

If customers didn't use something along the lines of that every time I asked if they wanted a bag for something those words never would have come out of my mouth. OH MY GOD, HAIR!

HAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT CONSERVATIVES, SUCK IT TIL YOU DIE