In the wake of my unending bitterness towards my former female companion, it has been said to me by more than a few people that the best way to move on would be to enter into either a sexual or emotional relationship with another person, even if I know it would not be a long lasting one. Thus, I have found myself deciding that I will seek out a so-called "rebound" girlfriend sometime during the next month or so.

As I am an obviously picky person (at least in terms of dealing with, you know, people), I must have some sort of list of things I will look for in a female, ideally at least. I'm sure I don't fit into the plans of most females so I certainly won't blame them for thinking I'm a douchebag if I think many of them are bitches. In any case, I felt I would share this information with you, my loyal reader. So here we go: things I will look for in my rebound.

Intelligence - It's 10th grade. We are discussing, in history class, what America would do if another country came in and seized Baltimore. A girl in my class says, "Where's Baltimore?" I will NOT date someone like this.

Physical Attraction - At least I am honest enough to put this second on the list. Do you think any supermodels are come around wanting to date me? No. I think I'll just have to find someone who is just as comfortable with me as I am with them. Perhaps we will secretly resent each other over our looks. That might be fun.

Sense of Humor - No more dating girls who can't take a joke. I've certainly done enough of that. Bonus points if they can find sexism funny, either way.

Common Interests - I spent years with someone who didn't really like what I liked. I didn't like what she liked, necessarily, but I did my damnedest to try. She did not. So, failing someone who actually is interested in what I am, some sort of reciprocity in terms of attempting to care about the things that I care about (since I'd automatically try, I'm just that cool) would suffice. Bonus points here for a woman who likes sports (if she likes sports video games I will abandon the rebound title and propose).

I would prefer it if she didn't like "Sex and the City" - I know this is a really, really narrowed down section but...I just really fucking hate that show.

Some of the things on this list (with the glaring exception of that final point) are obviously a little bit broad, but perhaps that is the point. It is entirely possible that I could find some woman who does not fit this list perfectly that I would absolutely fall for. However, having done that before, and how it turned out...perhaps I should avoid that woman at all costs.

Maybe love is the main thing that gets in the way of happiness.

PS. I really want to stress that if I meet a girl who likes NCAA Football 09 or Madden or NBA 2K9 I am going to be in love. I mean how hard would that rule?

A new, but quite interesting friend, told me tonight that she found my introspection on this site interesting. With that in mind, I figured I'd post some more. I should note that the following thoughts do not apply to the few people close to me, and also this friend who commented on the introspection. So, onward.

I think that when I tell people that I hate people, they think I'm kidding. I am not. I often shudder in disgust at the mere thought of like, having to talk to someone, or listen to someone, or think about someone.

Let's take for example my prior relationship that I am so not at all bitter (yeah right) about. The ex-girlfriend in question was Canadian. I now literally cringe anytime I see anything Canadian, hear about someone from Canada, find out someone is from Canada, see the word Canada (it's hard to type this paragraph), see the name of a city in Canada...anything to do with Canada.

Why do I do that? Canada has not wronged me. If she had been American, I would not have decided that I hate all Americans. Interestingly, I believe I would grow to hate the state she was from. It's a local thing; I hate the province she was from more than others, and the city she was from more than anything else. That is a city I used to love, but now that I associate it with her, I completely despise it and will never go back there.

So let's run with this logic. I hate everything having to do with our neighbors to the north because of some bitch; it's an association issue. So what is it that I am associating people with that makes me so angry so easily? Certainly not all people have done anything to me, in fact over 6 billion people have done nothing to me, and yet I still have an amazing amount of contempt for these people.

I have really come to the conclusion that the issues of a few become the issues of many with me. My latte art rant in an earlier post is a perfect example; I fucking hate people who think latte art is interesting, or even...art. That is just one thing that makes me hate people just a little bit more. I was recently discussing art with family. They brought up some artist (I'm not going to repeat the name because I hate him) who intends to cover the Arkansas river with a tarp.

Why? Why would anyone do this? Why in the hell would anyone waste their time putting a goddamn tarp over a river? What the hell? I have heard that they expect 350,000 people to show up to this "event." Who takes time out of their lives to look at a fucking TARP?

Most times when I talk to a new person I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. The things that people say confuse the hell out of me; not because I can't understand, but because I can't understand just why the hell they think I care. I actually seek out people to talk to, and then when I do, I often wonder why I did it.

I could argue that I am more agitated these days because of the breakup, but anyone who knows me will tell you that is 100% untrue. I'm actually less annoyed than usual, a fact which is completely fucking confusing to me (it's medication). All this together, I am damn grateful for the few people I do actually like, because they keep me sane, and make me feel like I'm not actually going to flip out and blow my own head off.

I guess I just want to solve all of this. People always say "you can't love someone else until you love yourself" (this also pisses me off, by the way), and even if that were somehow true, who the hell said I had an issue loving myself? I just want to talk to more people who aren't fucking morons. It's mostly annoying because even in my fucked up relationship, I had a real connection, and now I've lost that. How will I find it again? Who the hell knows.

"God" save anyone who gets in my way.

So anyone who knows me knows of my current ongoing saga, which I'll refer to as "The Battle of My Ex-Girlfriend." Ever since we broke up I am continually doing two things: one is insulting her, and the other is talking about how much I want her back.

I was talking to a friend the other day after English class, and when I told him I actually didn't want physical harm to occur to my ex (sometimes this is debatable), he was surprised, because as he pointed out, "You hate her!" Indeed...

But do I really? I am repeatedly catching myself using phrases like, "I love that stupid bitch," or "I hope that fucking whore gets the plague but if she came back to me right now I'd be so happy." It outlined to me how seriously close love and hate actually are on the spectrum of emotions. It's like throwing sand at a girl on the playground in first grade; we love her so much, we must attack her.

It is incredibly difficult to get over someone you were in love with, even if the relationship is completely flawed and absolutely wrong and fucked up like ours was. People tell me I need to stop caring and the funny thing is, after realizing all of this, it seems like maybe if I got myself to stop hating her, I would be able to use that to stop loving her too. If they truly are one in the same, and in fact related, removing my anger towards her would also at least partially remove my love for her and at least allow me to socially function. That would be nice.

Here's the problem: I'm angry. I hold grudges. I want others to be miserable if I am miserable. I want her to suffer in the same way that I have suffered. One of my friends couldn't wrap her head around this; she asked me, assuming I could remove myself from the situation, if I loved her so much and viewed her as such a good person, didn't I want her to be happy? If I found out she had moved on and was with someone who made her happy, wouldn't that make me happy?

No. I don't understand this concept. Who the fuck wants others to be happy when they can't be happy? I have done so much for those around me in this world who have done nothing for me, and now I am supposed to be happy for everyone else? It's ridiculous! Why don't you people ever grow a pair and recognize that "being happy for them" is not worth sacrificing your own happiness.

As for me, I guess I've proven with this angry rant that I won't be getting over her anytime soon. Ah, fuck it. I just can't help loving that stupid, self-centered, uncaring, lazy bitch.

Most of all you, you uncaring, self-serving, worthless bitch. Burn in hell.