Rumfork Sages

Believe it or not, the following exchanges are gleaned from stenographers' reports of actual court cases.

Attorney: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 P.M.
Attorney: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Witness: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July fifteenth.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.

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Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Attorney: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

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Attorney: So the date of your baby's conception was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?

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Attorney: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim's vagina show?
Witness: There were traces of semen.
Attorney: Male semen?

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Attorney: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

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Attorney: Did you sleep with him in New York?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you sleep with him in Chicago?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you sleep with him in Miami?
Witness: No.