Rumfork Sages

This is another one of my famous stories.


"Wow!" said little Billy on Christmas morning. "Look at all the drugs!"

"Yessir," said Tony, Billy's father. "Daddy killed lots of junkies to get you all these drugs."

There was something really fucked up about the Williams family. That was, as you have already seen, that fish hung in the wall unit. I mean really, what the shit is that fuck.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Lucy Liu came in and had sex with everyone.

So, as Billy continued to open his presents, he thought of that time where he had to battle the parentheses on Magic Mountain Mudpie Super Ride at Six Flags. Yes, those truly were the days.

Quick story break; a few hours ago, I was drinking heavily. Please excuse the fact that this story makes no fucking sense.

Bill and Tony, after several hours of raping Mad cows and swimming in the SARS pool, went out to Christmas dinner at the finest of restaurants. This restaurant had it all; meat, vegetables, and every other contortion of the food variety that you could think of. They rounded that off with the most practical and wild of drinks, all while providing a safe atmosphere. Yes, they went to Denny's.

"Can I have an egg nog?" Billy asked the waitress.

"I'm sorry Billy, but we don't have any left! How about a random murder?" The waitress then shot Tony in the face.

"Oh boy!" said Billy. "This is so exciting!"

Jim Carrey had to agree. But Billy Zane didn't, which pissed me off, so I threw him out on his ass.

So, as Billy, not Billy Zane, as I so casually used a name twice, went home, he though about Tony, and how that punkass had died. Billy decided that he should stop into the local strip club and check how much money he had made.

But oh no! It was closed by the Wichita police, which was strange, because Billy lived in Chernobyl. Then, while walking, some nuclear rods that were left from the 80's exploded, and everyone died.

So, now that I killed all my characters, as I so frequently do, I'll introduce a new character; Leaf Star Moon Sunshine.

Leaf Star Moon Sunshine was the child of vegans, so I shot her in the face.

Then, Billy and Leaf Star Moon Sunshine were both in hell, and they had to battle to the death. But, luckily, they were both dead, so they had to battle to the life.

Billy started with a roundhouse kick, but I decided the scene was boring and fell asleep. Then I woke up, and it was the playboy channel. And surprise! Lucy Liu was back!

So, after some more time, I found out that Billy had won the fight and had come back to life. But now he lived in Mongolia, in a large sewage pipe. Which was constantly flowing. He wanted to move, but wasn't sure if he could live a lifestyle above his current one, which really had so much glamour.

Then Bob from my other stories, a character I actually like, came in and killed Billy by nuking the world. He then took over my story by giving a speech.

"I'd like everyone to remember that Italic food is wonderful." Bob couldn't say Italian. "Please don't-hey, pop tarts!" Then Bob ran out of my story, and I didn't have shit to talk about.

Then an evil warlord came about. "Vengeance will be mine!" But Billy Zane came and whipped his ass, thus earning my respect.

But then I threw has ass back in the fucking street. Can't touch me.