Rumfork Sages

Keep in mind first and foremost, I only capitalized it that time because it was the first word in the title.

I would like to say that in spoon's previous post, she made some very excellent points and disproved a few of my points, meaning that we were equals. I'd like to say that she is a very intelligent person and that she will always have a special place in my heart, because our friendship is unshakeable. I'd like to say that Forks and spoons will from here on out live in harmony, able to recognize each other's weaknesses and strengths, and play to both.

I'd also like a blowjob from Zooey Deschanel while Kim Kardashian shook her ass right in front of me, so I'm pretty sure that all of those ideas can go fuck themselves.

All spoon has done in her post is effectively proven that she will go out of her way to find a new sexual position to suggest to me. Did you read any of the rest of that? I mean, what am I supposed to do, waste all the CPU cycles on my $1200 computer reading some long ass post about how spoons are so nice? COME ON.

Nothing less than pure controversey has engulfed this once great literary site since I made the obvious mistake of bringing spoon up from underneath my desk to the position of writer. Was I the one who wrote the poem that started this whole thing? No, I am not, so while spoon may contend that I and all other Forks are cocky, keep in mind that we are on the defensive here as spoon has decided that she is so good that she doesn't need to be around the likes of the rest of us.

It is a racial issue, plain and simple. Forks have always been racially tolerant of spoons. The spork, after all, was our idea. The spoons shunned us for this plan however, always wanting to be the first and only, never wanting Forks to share the same drawer. This is why in the 1950's all our parents had a spoon drawer and a Fork drawer; we were being discriminated against.

I am one of the first Forks to be able to run his own literary based media sites. I broke the barrier on this, and not only did I do that, but I invited a spoon to come along with me. I invited a member of the very race that would have thought to enslave me to be my partner, to venture into parts unknown; to create the kind of website that makes all utensils say, "Hey, that's the kind of place I'd like to visit." But can I do that? No, because spoon is doing her best to undermine me and take over.

Well sorry spoon, your attempts to be the alpha-utensil on this site are in vain. My dear friend Rum, born of a race not subject to this racial cruelty, will never allow such an awful takeover to occur. Nay, this site will belong to the likes of us, the racially tolerant, intelligent, and generally plain fantastic people that we are for all time. You, spoon, will just have to learn to deal with it.

I would offer you a truce, but like a dead dove in the freezer, I just don't know what to do with you. I suppose that I should realize that as a spoon, you have one natural, undeniable purpose. Target practice.

Why don't you take off the ol' spoon cover and let daddy show you what we use the prongs for?