Rumfork Sages

In addition to my Craigslist whoring and constant telling people to come to this site and tell everyone they know, I made a Facebook group for this...website. Because I have enjoyed making lists that start with bold lettering lately, I have decided to make another. About what you might say? About the ways I am going to continue to promote this website like the shameless prick that I am:

Something to do with Myspace - I don't know if you can have like...Myspace groups or something, but I should head over there and spam people's inboxes. Just kidding, I hate Myspace and I'd rather have no readers than advertise on that cunttastic website. That's right, cunttastic. With two t's.

Hand out the web address at school - When people go to school, what do they want? They want to be spammed! So I am going to harass people constantly. In the student union? You bet. In class? Damn straight. In the women's bathroom? You know I'll be there, shouting, yelling, and begging women to visit my site.

Tell people in jail - I just said I was going to be in the women's bathroom, where the hell did you think I would go next?

At Phoenix Suns games I'll go see my favorite team and get my ad up on the jumbotr- HOLY GOD WE TRADED BELL AND DIAW AND SINGLETARY FOR JASON RICHARDSON AND JARED DUDLEY AND A 2010 PICK WHAT THE HELL

At New England Patriots games - Tom Brady may be out, but Rumfork.com is still up! Patriots fans will know this when I am somehow still the most obnoxious fan in the stadium. Believe me, in New England, that is not easy.

Light myself on fire like a religious zealot - I will sit down, pour gas on myself, and light myself the fuck on fire while a band around me plays the Rumfork.com theme song.

Write a Rumfork.com themesong - I'll need to do this one before the last one.

Have sex with a celebrity and then talk about Rumfork in my ensuing media interview - Step one: get rich so I can sleep with a celebrity. Technically, it doesn't have to be a hot celebrity. Britney Spears? Big shock. Amy Winehouse? INTERVIEWS.

Finally finish my hip-hop CD - As a white rappers, I have a duty to finish this thing. But I still haven't. When it comes out I should sell it on Rumfork and advertise it in the CD cover. That'd be sweet. Then Rumfork would have two purposes: retarded posts, and CD sales.

Start selling merchandise - This is a good idea if we had more people than we currently do. Although the Craigslist post worked surprisingly well, that doesnt necessarily translate to repeat readers, and until we've got that, merchandise only costs me money. You don't want to cost me money, do you? Fuck you then.

I hate Sasha Vujacic - That doesn't really count as something I'm going to do to help the website, but he hit a 3 at the buzzer last year when his team had comfortably won to cost me money because I had bet the spread on a Spurs game. I hope he dies.

So over all, I think these are all very good plans. Failing that, you can still tell all your friends. And come everyday. And tell your friends to come everyday.

On a side note, my condolences to Matt Cassel. His father Greg died earlier this week. Hopefully he is able to deal with this, and it's really too bad that his father wasn't able to see him continue on to the obviously great career he is building, in New England and wherever else he may play in the future.

It's not known if Cassel will start this week; if not, Kevin O'Connell will step in. Matt Gutierrez is the last QB on the roster, and likely would only play if O'Connell struggled to an incredible level.

Tell your friends about Rumfork!