Rumfork Sages

ONE TIME I RODE A SPOON TO THE EDGE OF THE UNIVERSE AND IT TOLD ME THAT IF I KEPT RIDING IT THAT IT WOULD KILL ME SO I GOT OFF AND LANDED IN NEW YORK CITY AND I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

then i went to a broadway play and it sucked ass because it was about some fags who did some gay shit and it was stupid, what kind of fags do gay shit, i mean seriously what the hell fuck that

then i purchased 9 forks. i used these forks to run through every restaurant in the city and start eating their food. i gained 900 lbs. so then i used the forks to cut my stomach out and then i was really skinny, but also my intestines were showing

SO I RAN THROUGH THE STREETS AND PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS A MONSTER AND THEY RAN AWAY FROM ME AND I WAS ALL WAAAAAAAAAAAAA AND THEY WERE LIKE OH NO GOD PLEASE DONT KILL ME AND I WAS LIKE HAHAHAA IM GONNA KILL YOU BUT I DIDNT KILL ANYONE BECAUSE IM NOT LIKE THAT

do you know what i like? nothing at all. i dont like a god damn thing. i hate everything. why do i hate everything? because everything hates me. i am constantly under attack by people, violent cars, and lids from pickle jars. they just wont leave me the hell alone god damnit.

do you wanna know whats awesome? one time, by one time i mean like 4 times, i got high in the shower. im all smoking while taking a shower. its all whoaaaa man the water is like wet omg man what the helllll and i was like lol i actually said lol out loud. why would i do that? so i hit myself over the head with a stick.

then one time i got robbed and i thought they all came back cuz i was high and in the shower so i grabbed the shower rod ready to BEAT SOME ASS. so then i jumped out of the bathroom and they were there to rob me again and i was like YEAH RIGHT and they took out their guns but i was high so it was like bullet time so i was all bam bam bam knocking the bullets out of the air with the shower curtain rod. then they were out of bullets in all 19 of their guns and i was like ITS GO TIME and i ran after them and they took out ninja swords.

so im fuckin sitting there in attack mode swinging at them while they defend themselves with ninja swords and im all woochaaaa and hiyaaa and they're all wutapaaaaahhhh and im like fuck i gotta end this so i jumped in the air and flipped over them and broke the shower rod in mid air and stabbed them both in the back and i was all YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

so then i decided to run around naked but it was -40 degrees outside so im all running around and my dick shrunk into the size of an ant and it fucking curled up in my body and i was like WHO WANTS TO FUCK

holy fuck i cant wait for the dark knight to come out. the first time i saw it i was in a bad mood but the second time i saw it i loved it even more. that was pretty sweet.