Rumfork Sages

This is the first essay I wrote for my english class this year. The assignment was to write about what we loved more than anything in the world.

Crack: My Invaluable Asset

Every person in this world has that one thing they cannot live without; be it their favorite sports team, some sort of food that soothes them when they are upset, or, in my case, the chemical addiction that only a hardcore drug can provide. I love smoking crack; I am in fact addicted, which furthers my love, but I also enjoy crack for a few key reasons. First and foremost of course, is the high provided with each deep inhalation, which I find cannot be matched no matter what you try or where you look. Furthermore, the economic stimulus that crack provides to my community is unmatched by any other product or service I can find. Finally, I have always been the type of person to struggle with social interaction, be it some sort of educational seminar or even a gathering at the mall, however, with my wonderful, wonderful crack, this is no longer a problem. I am a new man today, world, for with a pipe and a rock, I can conquer anything (within 5-10 minutes of having smoked that rock).

I am somewhat of a thrill seeker. I have, in my life, done many different things, attempting to live by the doctrine pushed on me by many a youth counselor, "The best high is life itself!" Sorry, American Youth Counselors, but I have to disagree. While some may enjoy the thrill that comes from jumping off rocks into water (which often features other rocks), scaling a mountain, or maybe even throwing caution to the wind and driving their car into a pole, I find that none of these things open my mind and stimulate the physical senses quite like a rock of crack. I'm no chemist, I can't exactly tell you what happens, but I'm guessing dopamine has to do with it, which provides and interesting side note to those who may say, "Hey Peter, you know that crack is unhealthy, right?" Nay, friend. When I smoke crack I may eat 4 pizzas in 12 seconds, but I then immediately run it off! So if I get all that exercise when I'm smoking a bowl, where is the downside? Game, set, match on the health issue.

I live in a small apartment building, and to the outward eye, it is not much, but peek inside and you will see a different story. Inside this small complex is a bustling economy, fantastic proof of supply schedule and demand schedule; I passed macroeconomics merely by speaking to my dealer! Every person who gains his way into the building through use of the secret pass phrase ("No, I'm not a cop, why?") is instantly treated to the best crack cocaine our building dealer has to offer. How does this have to do with economics you ask? Simple! When 20 crackheads are outside, and there is only enough of the sweet sweet white god for 10 of them, suddenly the price goes up! When 10 crackheads are outside, and there is enough for 20, prices drop to keep the crackheads coming to our building. That money does plenty good for the building, such as tipping the pizza delivery boy, and ensuring that the crack dealer can buy more crack. After all…we would never want to come down, would we?

I am currently going through a very rough breakup, and this only further hinders my already minimal social skills. At first, this seemed to be a hindrance that would be impossible to bypass, but thanks to crack, this is not so! I have met plenty of new people, men, women, menwomen, people who share plenty of my same goals, ideals, and hobbies (talking really fast, running really fast, smoking crack). This bond is one that cannot be broken (as long as we continue to purchase crack), and my new friends and I spend nearly everyday of the week together, speaking on all sorts of world issues; topics range from the legalization of drugs to when that damn pizza boy is going to be here. It is truly a diverse group of people, of all races and genders, who come together merely to socialize in a way that most of society fears. That's right: we're pioneers.

I could lie. I could say that the most important thing in my world is something others may find important like school or always knowing where to find my right arm (crack can sometimes be laced with amphetimines), but I am not that kind of man. No, I am a man of morals. A man who knows what he loves more than anything. I love crack!