Rumfork Sages

In the wake of my unending bitterness towards my former female companion, it has been said to me by more than a few people that the best way to move on would be to enter into either a sexual or emotional relationship with another person, even if I know it would not be a long lasting one. Thus, I have found myself deciding that I will seek out a so-called "rebound" girlfriend sometime during the next month or so.

As I am an obviously picky person (at least in terms of dealing with, you know, people), I must have some sort of list of things I will look for in a female, ideally at least. I'm sure I don't fit into the plans of most females so I certainly won't blame them for thinking I'm a douchebag if I think many of them are bitches. In any case, I felt I would share this information with you, my loyal reader. So here we go: things I will look for in my rebound.

Intelligence - It's 10th grade. We are discussing, in history class, what America would do if another country came in and seized Baltimore. A girl in my class says, "Where's Baltimore?" I will NOT date someone like this.

Physical Attraction - At least I am honest enough to put this second on the list. Do you think any supermodels are come around wanting to date me? No. I think I'll just have to find someone who is just as comfortable with me as I am with them. Perhaps we will secretly resent each other over our looks. That might be fun.

Sense of Humor - No more dating girls who can't take a joke. I've certainly done enough of that. Bonus points if they can find sexism funny, either way.

Common Interests - I spent years with someone who didn't really like what I liked. I didn't like what she liked, necessarily, but I did my damnedest to try. She did not. So, failing someone who actually is interested in what I am, some sort of reciprocity in terms of attempting to care about the things that I care about (since I'd automatically try, I'm just that cool) would suffice. Bonus points here for a woman who likes sports (if she likes sports video games I will abandon the rebound title and propose).

I would prefer it if she didn't like "Sex and the City" - I know this is a really, really narrowed down section but...I just really fucking hate that show.

Some of the things on this list (with the glaring exception of that final point) are obviously a little bit broad, but perhaps that is the point. It is entirely possible that I could find some woman who does not fit this list perfectly that I would absolutely fall for. However, having done that before, and how it turned out...perhaps I should avoid that woman at all costs.

Maybe love is the main thing that gets in the way of happiness.

PS. I really want to stress that if I meet a girl who likes NCAA Football 09 or Madden or NBA 2K9 I am going to be in love. I mean how hard would that rule?