Rumfork Sages

I use the word "we" even though I'm not entirely sure at the moment if Rum will return. I hope he does...otherwise...I mean what am I gonna do, move to fork.com? I dunno.

In any case, at this point I am writing content for what, maybe 3 or 4 people. I am of course doing this because what am I gonna do, go out and advertise a site with like 3 entries on it? People will never come back. I largely desire a famous site because then I could sell t-shirts and whatnot, and I wouldn't have to work and people would walk around with our cool logo which we haven't designed yet. We tried last year...who knows. Rum is currently the owner of the site, so if I do design a logo and we sell T's, the money will go to him, and I'll still be poor. Perhaps I should organize a hostile takeover (begging and crying).

So to the subject evident in the posting title: what the hell can I or we do to make this bitch popular enough to sell merchandise, or at the very least, the kind of place people want to go where I might be able to post opinions and football picks that people might at least sort of care about. As far as I'm concerned, there are a few options:

1) Worthwhile conent. - Many famous sites have this. I could develop a formula for the blog, perhaps an alternation between social commentary and sports picks. I could write topical humor, and maybe be the first blog on the internet to be compared to "Murphy Brown" (a nice Family Guy reference right there). This, however, would certainly take a lot of work, and to be honest, I want to be able to write really random shit. A formula might prohibit this.

2) Zany Antics. - I could post videos of myself doing hilarious things like jumping down hills, jumping up hills, jumping into pools in a turtle suit, all kinds of shit like that. Unfortunately, we already have a YouTube, and it already sucks.

3) Porn. - Don't worry, it wouldn't be me naked. It'd be pretty sweet though if I got girls to e-mail me naked pics and I posted them. This site would become famous...one of the most popular 89 billion sites on the internet.

4) I have no idea. - I mean, what makes a successful site anymore? Every site is a copy of every other site. There just isn't very much originality out there. I've tried several times to launch successful web ventures, had some success, but in the end it just never works how you hope. This is undoubtedly like many other blogs out there, so what the hell?

Seems to me that it is largely impossible to stand out just through writing anymore. Lots of talented writers already dominate that, and my personal blog isn't going to change that. I'll need to invent some sort of webcomic or something. I suck at drawing though. Oh! I know!

5) Introducing - Stories of The Great Fork! - Several years ago I caused many people around me to think I was on drugs by writing a series of really ridiculous stories. They sort of existed in the same universe. Essentially, they were really fucking random, and people seemed to enjoy them.

So, I believe in the coming days, I'll perhaps edit and repost some of those stories (editing only for typos and whatnot, not content), and then rebrand the concept into Stories of The Great Fork. Believe me, you won't want to miss this. How can you be sure, you ask? A taste:

"Daddy was the angry type. He had fought in every American war since the Peloponnesian War, and he didn't have much of patience. He would often start yelling at the TV, and then throw beer cans at the rhino that lived next door. But then he would beat Mommy with an old Revolutionary War whip and he'd feel much better.

Mommy was normally quite happy. Sometimes, though, she'd be sad, so she'd go next door and kill the neighbors' puppy. They always had a puppy to kill because they got a new one each time Mommy killed one. The neighbors weren't very smart."

Yeah, I'm on medication. Still though...come on. That's awesome.